Changing Those Thoughts

Do you remember how I talked about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) being about changing your thoughts so that your feelings and behavior change too? I know society has this whole mantra about positive thinking and positivity in general, but if you are like me, it is really really hard to think positively. And you might not even realize how negative you are being towards yourself! I recommend you keeping track of when your negative thoughts hit you…it can be for a day, a few days, a week.

When I did this, I was shocked to realize that approximately every hour of the day or whenever something happened, I would think negative thoughts. In one day, I thought “I am so screwed up,” “I am broken,” “I am ugly,” “I am nothing,” “I am too complicated to ever get better,” “My husband will leave me if I can’t get my shit together,” “I am a burden,” “I am an idiot,” “There is nothing good about me.” Not only was I thinking these things, I was thinking them all the time. This invective repeated itself over and over in my mind like a never-ending song or a broken record. No wonder I felt bad about myself! No wonder I was depressed. No wonder my self-esteem was in the shitcan.

A lot of people swear that if you just replace your negative thoughts with positive thoughts, your attitude will become more positive over all and everything will be all better. And, I think some people can do that. (Kudus to you, really). However, if you are like me, I am too cynical. I can’t just look in the mirror and say things like “Rachel, you are beautiful. You are strong. You are smart.” I can’t say those things, because I really and truly don’t believe them deep down inside. So if I try, I am just lying to myself. I’ve come to realize that I need a whole new paradigm shift in the way that I see myself before I can really change the way that I think about myself. It’s neither simple, nor easy, and it takes practice. A lot of it.

One of the ways I practice changing the vocabulary I use for myself (as I am trying to learn how to love myself) is a technique called “Catch it, Challenge it, Change it.”

Take a look at the Mental Health Resources page where I have placed a few worksheets that might help you practice this too. Let me know your thoughts!