Thought Defusion…huh?

“You can’t dwell on those thoughts.”

“Stop thinking so negatively.”

“Think positive thoughts.”

People have told me these things repeatedly over the years. I have told myself similar things too. And yet, sometimes I truly feel like I have no control over my thoughts. That they control me instead.

If I ruminate on a negative thought, it often spirals out of control (especially when it’s something negative about myself). The problem with this is, that the more I think things, the more I start to believe them (whether they are true or not). And the more that I believe them, the more they affect my actions.

For example, low self-esteem has been a struggle for me all of my life. Last year especially, I thought things like, I am worthless and I’m just a burden. Those thoughts became my truth and I not only became stuck in them, but I became governed by them. The more I thought them, the worse I felt about myself and the more hopelessness took over me. So much so that I nearly died.

I’ve been working on this so much these past months and I am doing and feeling so much better. But now that I am facing another end to another relationship, negative thoughts and deep-seated pain start swirling and threatening to take over me again. While I am not in such a desperate place as I once was, I am afraid that my painful thoughts will be that trigger that sends me into deep depression again.

So, I realized that Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (“ACT”) can help me once again.

ACT REVIEW

ACT, according to the Cleveland [health] Clinic “is a type of mental health therapy that helps you acknowledge your relationship with your thoughts and feelings. You learn to understand your feelings instead of changing them. You’ll work on reframing your values and adjusting your behaviors to better match them.” We’ve already examined the components of values, contact with the present moment (mindfulness) and self as context (psychological flexibility and emotions). Today I want to look at cognitive defusion and how it can help me grapple with my painful thoughts and ease some of my hurt.

WHAT DO I MEAN BY DEFUSION? IF I DEFUSE SOMETHING, DOESN’T THAT MEAN IT WAS FUSED TO BEGIN WITH?

Yes! It does.

Those times when I thought, I am worthless over and over again, I became fused into that thought process. When we are fused into our thoughts, we begin overidentifying with our thoughts. The more we think about them, the more we amplify their importance. We attach “fact” and “truth” to them to the point that we can’t see around them. Regardless of whether they are real or not, they become reality to us. They trap us and control how we consequently feel and act. At best, these thoughts are unhelpful. At worst, they’re outright dangerous.

Cognitive defusion dispels those thoughts.

Cognitive defusion does this by distancing us from our thoughts so we can look AT them rather than be stuck IN them.

Russ Harris, the author of ACT Made Simple, has a perfect analogy of cognitive fusion and defusion. It’s called “The Hands as Thoughts Metaphor.”

Imagine your thoughts are your hands. Now bring both of your hands together and open them like pages in a book. Bring them closer and closer to your face. The closer they come, the more we focus on them, right? The closer they get to our face, the less we can see around them. To the point where our hands come all the way to our face and fuse to it, like glue, blinding us. Our hands hinder us from experiencing life outside and around them.

Now, unstick those hands. Slowly draw them away from your face. As you do, you notice more and more outside and around your hands. The farther they float away, the less focused you are on those thoughts. Because of this, you are able to focus more on the things that truly matter to you and you have space to grow and heal.

Cognitive Defusion is the skill that enables us to pull our hands away from our face and look objectively at our thoughts. We aren’t judging those thoughts, we’re just noticing them. Identifying them. Getting perspective on them which we simply can’t do if our thoughts are fused to us.

LIKE THIS?

My current thoughts are feeding my feelings of fear and sadness and pain.

I shouldn’t have ever broken up with my friend. I thought I was ready to step out on my own, but I’m still just as broken as I was. Who am I kidding? I’m never going to be strong enough to overcome the things that overwhelm me. I’m always going to feel alone. I just want someone to be my person and I just want a place that is my home — why can’t I have this like everyone else seems to? I have no idea what I’m going to do with my life. No one is going to want to be with someone who has no money, no prospects, nothing to show for their life of hard work, etc. I’m never going to find a romantic partner who loves me for me.

Believe me — they are just as cringy as when I think them. But see how easy it would be for those thoughts to fuse into the fabric of my being?

The more I think these thoughts, the more fearful and sad I become.

The more I think these thoughts, the more they affect my beliefs about myself and the world.

The more I think these thoughts, the more they begin to dictate my actions and how I respond to life.

We can’t control all the thoughts that fly into our head in any given moment. We can choose whether to feed them and dwell on them though. Thoughts, like emotions, aren’t negative or bad in and of themselves. When we define them that way, it pressures us to get rid of them, to avoid them, to ignore them. But that doesn’t really work in the long run. It’s better to think of those negative/bad thoughts as unhelpful thoughts instead. That way we can work with them and through them. We can practice defusing them rather than being overcome by uncomfortable, painful thoughts and feelings.

The ACT Therapist explains this nicely if you would like to check out her video:

THERE ARE TONS OF TECHNIQUES FOR PRACTICING COGNITIVE DEFUSION!

The following ideas are taken from several great sources: Dr. Gabriela Sadurní Rodríguez, Russ Harris from The Happiness Trap, The University of Sidney Counseling and Psychological Services, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Los Angeles, and the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science:

• External Voice: Instead of the thought, I am broken, silently or verbally say, I am having the thought that I am broken. Go even further and say, I notice I am having the thought that I am broken. Psychologically, this is dispelling the power that potentially triggering thoughts can have over you. It’s a simple change but it is effective.
• Mind Thanking: Instead of beating yourself up for thinking “negative” or “bad” thoughts, thank yourself for the feedback your mind is giving you. Thank your mind for “that interesting thought” or simply say, “thank you, brain”. Thanking your mind is another psychological trick that keeps you from judging and suppressing your thoughts. When you thank your mind for having a negative thought, it reminds you that your brain is actually trying to help and protect you by getting you to avoid problems (it’s just not entirely effective).
• Mindful Watching: This is the Leaves on a Stream exercise we discussed a couple months ago! You imagine each thought is on a leaf that is floating down the stream and away. Here is also a video that can walk you through it.

• Mindful Watching 2 and 3: You can also imagine your thoughts on puffy clouds that blow away in the wind. Or imagine your thought is one of those stupid pop-up ads that plague you when you’re on the computer. Practice closing that pop-up, repeatedly, if you have to.
• Repeating the Thought: Repeat the thought in a silly voice (like Elmo’s), in a whisper, in a shout, in a tiny voice, in a booming voice, in a ssssllllooooooooowwww voice, in a fast voice, in a singsongy voice. Repeating your thoughts in a goofy way keeps you from taking your thoughts too seriously. Wheeeeeeennnnnnn yyyyoouuu sssllllooooooooowwwww yyyyyyooooouuuurrrrrrr ttthhhhhooooouuuuuggghhhhtttttt ddddddooooowwwwnnnn it breaks your concentration and reminds you to look at how you are relating to the thought. Singing the thought changes your relationship to the thought.
• Type It: Typing/writing your thoughts out can divert you from getting caught up in them. Play with font, color, size, highlights, etc. Fiddling with these elements pulls your attention away from the painful aspects and gives you a different perspective.
• Name that Story: Give your thoughts their theatrical moment. Say, “Oh, I see, we are going to be watching the I shit on myself story today.” Do I really want to watch that?
• Stop that Bully: Imagine your thoughts are bullying you. You wouldn’t let a bully attack someone you love would you? Stand up to that bully. Defy him. Destroy the power he has over you.

Remember, we aren’t trying to actually exterminate the thoughts. We can’t control what thoughts pop in our head. We are trying simply to distance ourselves from them. To be able to see them for what they are. To follow them if they are helpful and to ignore them if they are unhelpful.

Want other ideas? Here is a very expansive list. It’s probably impossible to not find at least one of these techniques that can help you to cognitively defuse your thoughts.

IT ALL WORKS TOGETHER IN THAT HEXAFLEX

Cognitive defusion increases our psychological flexibility by helping us identify unhelpful thoughts and distancing ourselves from them. Distancing ourselves allows us to devote more time to our values and what we truly believe is important in life. Mindfulness is where most of the cognitive defusion techniques come from.

Most importantly, cognitive defusion allows me to be kinder to myself. It eases the overwhelming hurt. It keeps my brain from sabotaging me. It ensures perspective. And we all need a little bit of all that.