As a continuation from my last post on living a values-driven life versus a goal-driven life, I want to look at another one of those components of the hexaflex which is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (“ACT”). It’s called Contact with the Present Moment.
As a reminder!!!! ACT is another type of psychotherapy (like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT) that practitioners use to help people like me who are struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, and PTSD. Google AI actually has a great definition: “ACT is a type of psychotherapy that helps individuals develop psychological flexibility by encouraging acceptance of difficult thoughts and feelings and committing to actions aligned with their values.” I am writing about ACT because it was introduced to me in my therapy sessions and I find it both confusing and super helpful (when it’s not confusing). Writing about it helps me understand better, and hopefully I can share a few helpful tidbits in the process.
WHAT IS CONTACT WITH THE PRESENT MOMENT?
I think of contact with the present moment as aka: mindfulness.
Of course, mindfulness is all the rage these days. We hear about it on social media and in our yoga classes and in our therapy sessions. We read about it in self-help books and see it broadcasted on book covers in Barnes and Noble. We flip calendar days and do breathing exercises and listen to guided meditations in the name of mindfulness. Hell, SubStack alone bombards me with mindfulness newsletters and notes all day long, and if I wanted to escape the mindfulness chatter, I would need to completely unplug and move to a cabin in the woods…which would ironically be a form of mindfulness too I suppose.
Sometimes, I feel like we can focus on certain things in society SO MUCH that no matter how good a thing is, it becomes worn out. Like hearing the same damn song on the radio over and over and over again.
I don’t want to harp on something that has maybe been worn out in our collective consciousness.
So, I’ll try to be brief.
THINGS THAT COME TO MIND WHEN I THINK OF MINDFULNESS
Ralph Waldo Emerson who once said, “With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now.” Don’t think he realized he was a mindfulness guru.
zen
being in the present
stress exorcism (maybe I’m expecting too much out of mindfulness)
breath
om
Hindu and Buddhist roots
Paying attention
the quote “Wherever you are, be there totally” by Eckhart Tolle
meditation
focus
quieting the mind
bringing awareness
present moment
Mindfulness can look like and mean a variety of different things. But in ACT, mindfulness is specifically referring to connecting us to the present moment while quieting thoughts of our past and future.
WHY DO WE NEED CONTACT WITH THE PRESENT MOMENT?
Have you ever not been able to stop thinking about the past or the future?
Have you ever felt like you’re numb or on autopilot?
Have you ever felt “disconnected” from people, even those most important to you?
Have you ever acted impulsively, thoughtlessly, recklessly?
According to Mindfulness Muse, if we have done or felt any of these things (which probably covers just about all of us), then we need some mindfulness in our lives.
While I struggled with the last three symptoms in my deepest depression, the one that I struggle with the most currently is not being able to turn my brain off. And sometimes I can’t help ruminating on the past or dwelling on the future.
Me:
I wasted 3 years of my life going for that 2nd career that never happened.
What am I going to do with my life now that I’m divorced?
I hate that I’ve lost so much money on health care.
I’m going to be in a wheelchair in a couple of years.
I can’t believe my ex didn’t want me, after all we’ve done, after all we’ve lived through.
Will I ever find someone who loves me for who I am and despite all my baggage?
I’ve had so much trauma!
I’m so afraid of the future. What’s going to happen when my alimony runs out in a few years?
I swear I don’t always think about awful things. Even positive thoughts about the past and future keep me from thinking about the present though. Often my thoughts ping pong between past and future, future and past. And apparently, I’m not the only one. Dr. DJ Moran says that nearly half of our (mine, yours, everyone’s!) time is spent somewhere other than the present.
I would say that’s evidence that we all need a little bit of contact with the present moment and ACT in our lives.
BUT WHY, REALLY, DO WE NEED MINDFULNESS AGAIN?
You mean, besides for the obvious? Mindfulness eases stress, keeps us grounded, helps us enjoy the little things (which really end up being the big things in life), prevents us from MISSING OUT on so much simply because we aren’t paying attention to them (like relationships), etc. By connecting to the present moment, we reduce our tendency to reminisce about the past or over-focus on the future, which eases our anxiety and depression.
But ACT’s mindfulness has another benefit to it. In his video, Contact with the Present Moment,
Moran explains that the reason we need to be present in the present is because the present is the only time that we can actually do anything. Everything we experience is now and therefore now is the only time that we can change our behavior to reflect those values that we want our life to be about. I can think about my behavior in the past (and usually judge it, berate myself for it, etc.) and I can revisit the trauma and other difficult memories I have in the past…but I can’t do anything about those experiences. Just as I can look to the future and I can make New Year’s resolutions and dream about successes and plan for retirement…but I can’t actually do anything about those actions. When I get to that moment where I enact change or succeed or save for a rainy day, those things are all happening in the now, in the present moment.
So ACT says we should have contact with the present moment because a) it eases our suffering and makes us happier people but also b) it is the only time we can actually change who we are and what we do and how we follow our values.Subscribed
OK THEN, HOW CAN I PRACTICE MINDFULNESS?
Well, you probably already know a dozen ways to do this: guided meditation, journaling, deep breathing, mindfulness cards, etc. But The ACT Therapist has a few other ideas I hadn’t heard of before, which you can view in her video here.
She discusses:
Finger Tapping (not to be confused with Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) which we will discuss at another time): This is literally just tapping your thumbs to each of your fingers in slow succession. Notice the sensation of each tap and if it feels different on each finger.
Grounding Feet: In a sitting or standing position, press your flat feet to the floor. Notice the sensation of your toes touching the floor, the balls of your feet, your arches. Maybe rock back and forth on your heels and notice whether there is a different sensation. Maybe jump. Maybe slide your feet back and forth.
Mindfulness Sensory Walk: Take a walk outside and purposely notice each of your senses and your surroundings. What do you see? What do you hear? What do you taste, smell, feel?
Remember, the whole point of these exercises is for you to pause and notice. Connect with whatever is happening in that moment. Truly look at what is inside of you as well as what is outside of you.
If you want some more exercises, here are a few others:
In all honesty, I’ve had a rough few weeks. With my Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, I have bad days and good days, and sometimes those bad days turn into bad weeks. Usually it’s because I either dislocate something, like a rib or a shoulder, or my back spasms painfully when it’s trying to keep my vertebrae in place. Anyway, a lot of pain lately. I haven’t been able to write because it just hurts too much to concentrate or to type or to sit up, depending on the moment. I wrote this post and then re-wrote it like 4 times because my brain was obviously not connecting the dots.
I’ve definitely been contacting the present moment though since all I’ve been able to think about is how much I hurt right now! (Sometimes you just gotta laugh so you don’t cry.)
I’m not trying to be a whiny bitch. I just want to publish this with caveats. If something doesn’t make sense or isn’t clear, please let me know and I’ll re-address it in the next post!
In conclusion, contact with the present moment enables us to connect with the here and now and helps us to avoid the anxiety and depression that comes with harping on the past or future. Mindfulness does help us feel better. And this cornerstone is what allows us to act on our values (see the hexaflex working?). It becomes a lot more challenging though (at least for me!) when we start trying to be mindful of our emotions, which will come up next!
