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We all have coping strategies. When it’s cold, you put a jacket on. When you’re sad, you play music. When you have to concentrate, you look for quiet.
Coping strategies are necessary and healthy, because they protect us physically from things that could otherwise hurt us. If your hand gets too close to a candle, your body’s coping mechanism is to jerk your hand away as soon as you feel pain. On a deeper level, coping strategies also aid in our survival.
Of course, we have coping strategies for emotional and psychological pain too, but for whatever reason, they seem to have an unhealthy bent to them. Unhealthy coping mechanisms cause additional problems and pain, especially when they morph into addiction. We tend to be super judgy about drug addicts and alcoholics, but honestly, I am pretty sure each of us have our own unhealthy coping mechanisms. It could be overeating. Or binge-watching TV. Or smoking. Or playing Candy Crush for 22 out of 24 hours. Or sex. Or reading! I mean, none of these things are wrong in and of themselves. It’s when we become addicted to them and the ways that they help us emotionally escape, feel better, and avoid our problems that makes them turn into unhealthy behaviors.
I discovered the other day that one of my coping mechanisms is Retail Therapy. If you know me, and you know what Retail Therapy is, you probably just burst out laughing. But I am sadly serious. According to WebMD, Retail Therapy is when a person purchases items/window-shops/goes shopping in an effort to make themselves feel better.
I am not a particularly avid shopper, and I am not very materialistic. But I have been under enormous stress and battling immense sadness this month and – apparently in an effort to feel better – I spent egregious amounts of money on Amazon. I honestly didn’t realize that I had spent so much money, and I didn’t even think it was a problem that I should bring up with Adam. I wasn’t hiding what I had done – Adam sees our finances on a daily basis. But it didn’t even cross my mind that I should be worried about making him upset, which it most certainly did.
Adam and I both are flabbergasted at my behavior, and our psychologist is now saying that he thinks I have dissociative disorder or borderline personality disorder (great! Another diagnosis). Really?? I mean, yes, I barely remember my actions. I didn’t realize how much money I spent. I wasn’t trying to go against my husband’s wishes, who I love very much. I think I just fell under the spell of Retail Therapy, which “helps you feel in control…brings happiness… and distracts you.”
I certainly feel out of control in every other area of my life. I am not surprised I am seeking happiness since all I’ve done this month is cry like a baby. And hell yes, I’d rather buy a pretty dress than have to think about what I’m going to do in the near future.
Well, I am working on this worksheet called Healthy vs. Unhealthy Coping Strategies and I’m adding it here in case you could use some help too. Here’s to finding more healthy coping mechanisms!
