More IFS

In her video below, Dr. Tori Olds says the parts of us (which we talked about yesterday) are really just patterned, reflexive ways of being. They develop in our reactions to the world around us. For example, one part of me gets really angry at Adam for being cheap, but another part of me is super thankful that he is so conscious about our finances. A big part of me feels worthless, and yet another part of me just wants to do anything and everything to not feel that way. You can feel one way AND feel another way. It can be confusing but its perfectly normal.

IFS therapist, Anna Vincentz further explains Internal Family Services in her Guide of the IFS Client. While we have multiple minds or parts at any given time, we only have one Self, which is our true self. This is like the parent of the family, while the parts can be renegade children that the Self is always trying to reign in. IFS focuses on being loving, caring, accepting, and healing of our family systems while at the same time finding a connection between them and others outside of our selves.

When we face trauma and hardship, we develop parts of ourselves that try to protect our Self. Perhaps we feel anger or maybe we give up or maybe we self-medicate. We can become “stuck” or “hemmed in” psychologically. Instead of blaming these parts of ourselves and hating who we are, we need to try to understand these parts. Instead of trying to get rid of our parts, Vincentz says we need to focus on helping these parts. She reminds us,

“There’s nothing wrong with you.

There is ALWAYS a meaning behind your experience.

You can heal your inner system.

Therapy does not fix you but helps you become more whole, more you.

It’s never too late.

There is hope.”

Its really hard for me to believe this, but I am going to try!

Mind.blown.