Stuck Points*

Stuck Points – we may not be in the predicament this elephant is – but we all have them. They are thoughts that we just can’t stop thinking about. They are the thoughts that make us unhappy. They are also the thoughts that prevent us from healing.

Just to be clear – our behaviors, feelings, questions, moral compasses, and facts that we know – are not the Stuck Points I’m referring to.

Stuck Points are concise phrases that are often extreme and follow an “If – then” structure. Let me show you what I mean.

Stuck Points:

“If I had done my job better, then I wouldn’t be in the state I am now.” = Stuck Point

“People in authority always abuse their power” = Stuck Point.

“Only people who were there can understand me” = Stuck Point

“If I let other people get close to me, [then] I’ll get hurt again” = Stuck Point

“I am damaged forever because of what happened to me” = Stuck Point

“I fight with my mother” is a behavior and therefore NOT a Stuck Point.

“I am nervous whenever I have to spend the night alone” is an emotion and NOT a Stuck Point.

“I witnessed that car crash” = a fact which is NOT a Stuck Point.

“What will happen to me now?” represents a question and NOT a Stuck Point.

“The education system in this country sucks” = a moral statement and NOT a Stuck Point

Stuck Points can be all kinds of things. When I was asked to keep a Stuck Point Log of everything I thought was keeping me from healing and moving forward, here are some of the things I wrote down.

• “I am so screwed up.”
• “If I ate less and exercised more, I would be prettier.”
• “He is going to leave me if I can’t get my act together.”
• “I can’t handle any more of this.”
• “I’ll never be successful at anything.”
• “It’s impossible for me to get better.”
• “I am too broken for anyone to love me.”
• “I am always a burden.”

The thing that all these Stuck Points have in common is that none of them are 100% accurate, no matter how many times we think them or feel them. It’s a little bit tricky, but the more we recognize what our Stuck Points are, the more power we will have to get UNSTUCK.

Maybe start your own Stuck Point Log. See if you can catch those thoughts. Then maybe fill out the ABC Worksheet I’ve posted in the Resources section. If you say you feel stupid for filling this out, then you’re doing it right. 🙂

*I am referring to an idea proposed by Cognitive Processing Therapy for PTSD: A Comprehensive Manual by Patricia A. Resick, Candice M. Monson, and Kathleen M. Chard